Out of the box

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====== YES or NO, LET ME KNOW! ======

===== Objectives =====
  * Connecting with our feelings, acknowledging our limits
  * Understanding the meanings of a “YES” and a “NO”, the needs they answer to and their consequences on our relationship with other.
  * Learning to say “No” and to welcome a refusal to a demand

===== Scenario =====
**Duration :** 1 hour 30 minutes

//Important: The following exercises are thus designed for a group of 9.//

==== Exercise 1 : Connecting to our body, our feelings and limits (15') ====

Divide the participants in 3 groups of 3. Ask each group to line up as below:
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Ask the person in the middle to close his/her eyes and connect to his/her body and feelings. Invite then the 2 others to come closer to him/her, being as quiet as possible.

When the person with the closed eyes in the middle “feels” the others (sensorial feeling), he/her has to say “STOP”. He/she should not open his/her eyes yet, but the others have to pay attention to where they stand, to be able to analyze what happened afterwards.

The game goes on: the 2 challengers keep moving slowly, and come closer to the person in the middle. When he/she feels the others are entering his/her “bubble” (=private area), he/she says “STOP” again. He/she can then open his/her eyes and see where the others stand.

This process might take 3 4 minutes. Repeat it 3 times, so that each participants con experience being in the middle with the eyes closed.

Take then 5 minutes to debrief: What did we notice? Are we surprised with our feelings? the results we obtained ? Why and to which extend?

==== Exercise 2: Why do we say YES and NO? Which needs do they answer to? (15’) ====

Gather participants by pair. For 4 minutes, each of them may answer to the 4 following questions (1 minute/question):\\
- “I like to say YES because…”\\
- “I like to say NO because…”\\
- “I’m afraid to say YES because…”\\
- “I’m afraid to say NO because…”\\
Switch roles and do the exercise again with the second person.\\

Take then 5 minutes to debrief: How do they feel? Are they surprised with what came up? Did they ever ask them those questions? What emerged that they will remember?

==== Exercise 3: (Re--)Learn to say “NO” and to welcome a refusal (60’) ====

**Step #1 (10’)**

Gather all the participants together in circle and ask them “Which needs are not satisfied when someone says YES to a demand when this person would have rather liked to say NO?”

This will enable the participants to consider the benefits of a “NO”. They will highlight the needs a “NO” answers to, or in other words, how important are for us honest and authentic answers, even if they are not the answers we were expecting for or hoping to receive.

**Step #2 (15’)**

Divide the group in 2 (1 x 4 persons and 1 x 5 persons) and invite each group to gather in circle. In each group, ask a volunteer to come in the middle of the circle and to choose one demand to which he/she would have a hard time receiving a “No” / a refusal (because it matters for him/her).

At this stage of the exercise, the participants enter into a king of “role play”. Each person in the circle has to figure out one need that would be satisfied if they answer “No” to the demand, and to express it assertively.
After each one expressed, the person in the middle has to ask his/her counterpart “Why they answer NO?” in order to discover and connect with their needs.

Following this whole process, the participants will get a chance to overcome their difficulty to say “No” to someone (because they have no alternative within this exercise). They will find out the benefits of a “No” and strengthen their ability to welcome a refusal, to take it as it is and acquire distance with respect to the emotions felt.

** Step #3 (25’)**

Keep the same working groups in circle and ask one volunteer to stay in the middle. Each participant in the circle has to address one demand which matters for him/her to the person in the center, who has to answer “No” to it with determination, because he/she has found a meaningful reason for this “No” to exist. The person who addressed the demand might then welcome the “No” by thanking the other person for it.

Repeat the process until each participant has had the opportunity to come in the center to address a demand and to receive a refusal from the others.
{{ :out_of_the_box:tools:together:yes_or_no_2.png?nolink |}}

**Step #4 (10’): Closing (10’)**

Gather all the participants again in circle and debrief: “What did they learn from this workshop? What have they found within it? What raised their interest? What was difficult? What will they remember?

===== Material required =====
  * Chairs
  * Space

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