Me, My needs and the others

• Acknowledging our way to communicate our needs to a group
• Finding a balance between personal needs and collective needs
• Thinking about the consequences our way of expressing (or not expressing) ourselves can have on the others.
• Allowing participants to zoom out in order to see the greater picture and prevent conflict.

Duration : 2 hours 30 minutes

Divide the space in 4 areas by drawing 2 axis on the ground:

• The first axis describes the way people usually behave: Do they expose their needs to the others, or do they stay back and encounter difficulties to speak out for their needs?
• The second axis expresses people’s feelings regarding it: are they comfortable with it or not?

Ask participants to take position regarding those 2 axes (starting with how they behave in groups regarding the expression of their needs; then defining how they feel regarding it).

Ask then volunteers to explain their positions, focusing at first on the most extreme ones. Give voice to people from the 4 areas, and encourage the shiest to express themselves.

(10’ to enter the exercise + 2 x 35' + 5’ to close the session)

Invite the participants to reflect on the groups they belong to. Among those, ask them to choose one that especially matters for them, with whom they usually interact or work with. Through a set of questions, help them to recall how they communicate theirs needs within this group.

Ask them then to reflect on the tensions that have arisen within that group recently and more specifically about one problem they encounter within it now a day, one thing they don’t feel comfortable with, that is becoming an issue for them.

• Why this thing (that can be a situation, someone’s behavior, etc.) represents an issue?
• Why are they feeling moved / troubled / uncomfortable / not at ease?
• What need(s) of theirs is/are not satisfied?

Invite the participants to gather by pair to work on the situation they have chosen, and more specifically on the need they identified, through 3 scenarios:

What will happen if :

1. 1/ I expose my need to the collective:

• a) for me;
• b) for me within the group;
• c) for the group.

1. 2/ I let it go. I don't express my need, but I am OK with it (I can live with it):

• a) for me;
• b) for me within the group;
• c) for the group.

1. 3/ I decide to forget my personal need in behalf of the group's needs.

• a) for me;
• b) for me within the group;
• c) for the group.

One person starts sharing; the other helps questioning and takes notes.

After the person explored the 3 scenarios, they take 5 minutes to reflect on what they have understood from it and to right down on a piece of paper one or 2 demands they may address to themselves and/or to the group they belong to (depending on the situation they are working on):

• 1/ What I would like to ask to myself: ……………………………………………………..

and / or

• 2/ What I would like to ask to my group: ……………………………………………………

After 35 minutes, the roles switch: who was taking notes is exploring the 3 scenarios on their situation, the other is guiding and taking notes. After 30 minutes, when the exploration reaches an end, the person who was sharing takes a piece of paper and writes down their demand(s) (to themselves and to the group they belong to).

To close the cession, gather all the participants in the meeting room again so that they expose all their demands, see the demands of the others and reflect on them.

• Flipchart papers
• Blank paper